Vampires Are Evil
by Biminator
Summary: Well, here's the 3rd "Are Evil" story. Starting to degrade in quality, but R&R anyway.


Part I: The Breach And then the vampires attacked! (No, Count Dracula wasn't one of them, you stereotypical person, you) They were all over the place! The blood-suckers  
bit people, turned them to vampires; they turned other people into vampires, and so on, and so on, and so on. Pretty soon, everybody but my friends (you know who they are) and me was a vampire. We even had to watch  
in terror as our own family members and other friends were turned to  
vampires, but we were hardened by the alien attacks. We had linked our houses with a secret underground transport system (or SUTS). The only door  
open able from the outside was made of garlic crosses. Stakes were laid  
near the door. There was no way the vampires were getting in.  
We had been able to perform a series of airlifts from food (and other)  
stores so we would be able to eat and sleep, among other things. Anyway, we were eating our modest dinner of filet mignon and stuffed duck  
when the vampires breached the door. "SECURITY BREACH! SECURITY BREACH! SECURITY BREACH!" blared the computer while alarms went off and SECURITY  
BREACH! Flashed on every monitor and TV in our nine houses.  
"We're doomed!" Logan announced in despair. "Not yet we aren't," I said calmly. Then I pressed a red button. In the breached room, stakes fell from  
the ceiling. All the vampires died. "Logan, install a new garlic door.  
Luke, guard him," I commanded.  
  
Part II: The Talk As Logan installed the door, I had a secret talk with Steven. "Steven," I asked, " how do the vampires communicate?" "Radio, mostly. The commanders have a satellite. They stole it from NASA," replied Steven. " How many?" I inquired. "Excuse-," Steven started to say. "How many satellites?!" I said  
loudly. "Five," Steven said sheepishly. "Can you jam them?" I inquired. "Sure," he replied. "What about the radio?" I asked. Steven proclaimed (in a fancy British voice), "Element'ry, my deah Watson, el-ement'ry." Then we  
laughed.  
  
Part III: Bye-Bye, Satellites!  
"Steven," I began, "set the jam of the most important satellite so the vampire leader will see me. Also, Nico and Seth, build a semicircular wall  
around my video screen so the vampires can't see our base." "Gotcha,"  
replied Steven. "Sure," said Nico and Seth in unison. "Wait, Steven," I  
ordered. "Don't jam all the satellites. Just the important one. Also, mark it black on the radar. I'll have some fun shooting the others  
down. Pull up the missile guidance system." "Sure thing," he replied. I  
took hold of the stick and fired. " Missile 1 fired," droned Steven.  
KABOOOM! "Direct hit!" I yelled. I fired three more. KABOOM! KABOOM!  
KABOOM! " Three direct hits!" said Stevie excitedly. Then everybody cheered. "Hey, Logan, Travis! Go have some fun and bomb the radio stations of the world," I said happily. Off they went. "Hey, Steven, turn on the vid- link. I wanna have a talk with the head vampire," I joked. "Aye, aye," said Steven. " Hey, vampire, I control your main satellite!" I gloated. "Ha! Ha! Ha!! You missed the other four!" he said gleefully. "Wrong-o! (waving my  
finger like in The Grinch) I blew 'em up!" I said, smiling. "@#!S#!" he  
mumbled. Then I switched off the vid-link.  
  
Part IV: The Plan  
"Okay, we've shut down all the vampires' forms of communication," I  
announced. "Steven, are our families captured?" "Administering vampire antidote vapor now," he replied. "Good. Now all we need is an attack plan," I told everyone. "Luke, bring up the locations of the main vampire bases." "Allrighty," Luke agreed. "Okay, this is what we'll do," I announced. "One  
person per base. That leaves Steven and three others. The three will be  
Seth, Nico, and Stevie. You patrol the streets with your X-wings and vampire radar. Steven, Stay here and make sure the satellite stays jammed.  
Logan, take the south base. Chris, take the east base. Travis, take the west base. Luke, take the north base (the second-strongest base). I'll take  
the center base (the strongest base)."  
  
(Dun, Dun, Dum!)  
  
Part V: Hindenburg? " Let's go, everyone," I commanded. Everybody clambered into their X-wings. "Let's get some vampires!" I screamed. Off we went. (switch to movie mode)  
(music: Dun, Duh-uh-uh-uh-un-Dun, Dun, Dun! x2) (In comes a rebuilt Hindenburg, complete with a bomb bay) (zoom into cockpit, see Ben Affleck)  
"Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!" laughed Ben Affleck. "What the heck? Where'd the  
Hindenburg come from?" I announced, puzzled. Then he shot down Luke! "Crap!" I yelled. Then I shot him down. (zoom to cockpit) (Ben Affleck):  
"Noooooo!" KABOOM! (Hindenburg hits the ground and bursts into flames) (switch to story mode) "Okay," I proclaimed, "Let's bomb some vampires!" "What about Luke?" inquired Logan. "That wasn't Luke! That was a robot!" I replied. "Here I am," announced Luke. Then he bombed the north base. Pretty soon, only the center base was left. "Other vampires gone," reported Nico.  
"Allright," I affirmed. KABOOOM! The center base was gone. The vampires  
were defeated! "Steven," I announced, victorious, "Shoot down the  
satellite. The base is gone." "Yes!" screamed Steven. Then he blew the  
satellite into a million pieces!  
  
The End.  
  
Or is it?  
  
(Dun, Dun, Dum!) 


End file.
